It’s been 2 months now that I got back to my single life and I told myself that I had to live a life that I would do everything according to what my heart feels.
Guess I have been doing it pretty well…
I have taken up quite a few new things that I had not been doing for a long long time… I started back my volunteer work in a temple, I started mixing with more random friends without any obligation… And one big thing that I want to do the most, I WANT TO KNOW HOW TO SWIM BEFORE I TURN 31!! DAMN!!
And also, I am back to my free-style relationship… I just want back the feeling of to like a person that I just feel like “Hey, I like you” without considering any other realistic factors… Yeap, I just want to be unrealistic for a while, just a while I promise… As I don’t hope that this will go any longer… 一碌碌, I knew that this charming idiot would turn my life upside down, but hey, being unrealistic and just be stubborn right! And I was right, from the start till the end, non-stop torturing, what a torture… And still torturing my mind… Somehow, I am quite regret that I didn’t go all out, I am quite angry at myself that I am still too coward, too afraid to get hurt… DAMN! If I were to be a bit more brave and go all out, perhaps I could get something more than this…
It’s more than a year now since my last entry. I had a very challenging year of 2012. Full of challenges with my work, my family, my relationship… I had so much stress at work without direction, had so many big arguments at home, I lost my grandmother, I had a bumpy relationship…
Things are not getting any better, but I hope it will get better, soon.
I am still in my longest relationship ever, more than 2.5 years, WOW! I am lucky that he has been putting in so much efforts in our relationship, never give up, being the best listener, my best friend, my best problem solver… A person that can just ease my mind when I talk to him with all my ups and downs. Seriously, I would not know how to live through all these hiccups in 2012 without him… I know deeply that he is the one, he is the one that can give me all I want… But I don’t seem to give him what he wants, not even the tiniest simplest happiness that he wishes for. This relationship has been so imbalances all these times. I had not been loving him truly and deeply. Being the same old me, that I am always afraid of EVERYTHING, and the worst thing in me is that I am afraid of FAILURE, that makes a total failure of myself.
2013, a year that I am turning 30, stepping into the BIG 3-0, I would want to learn how to live a life for myself. I will do everything that my heart wants to do… Regardless of failure or success, I will take charge of my life, take charge of my ups and downs, working towards a complete challenging life ahead… =)